This July 4th, celebrate our nation’s birth not just by watching fireworks, but by setting off some of your own. Don’t just eat BBQ, play hide the sausage. OK, these double entendres are played out. We know it. We’ ll just come right out and say it: Whatever your plans may be this holiday, assert your (sexual) Independence by making time for a good ‘ol outdoor romp. The holiday requires it. Just don’t get caught. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. After the jump, our suggestions …
1. During a fireworks show. Be as loud as you want, no one will hear you moan.
2. The boat house. All the boats will be out on the water and no one will be there to interrupt you. Oh yeah, and the subtle rocking motion will only help you on your voyage.
3. On a boat. If you have access to one. DUH. Unless you or your partner is prone to sea sickness.
4. In the wilderness. Let the other campers roast marshmallows while you work on pitching a tent.
6. On a picnic blanket. So sweet. So innocent. So HOT.
7. Inside an ice cream truck. Popsicles, cones, and sprinkles. Oh my. You won’t be calling anyone Mister Softee.
8. In a pool. You won’t get sweaty, but you will have fun.
9. On a Slip ‘n Slide. This is basically a glorified, outdoor sex toy. Have at it.
10 On the beach. Just watch out for getting sand all up in the cracks. Nobody ever mentions that do they?
11. On a national monument. Or if it’s possible IN a national monument. Now that’s showing your patriotism.
Other ideas? Please share.